Alone again
by sarahw119
Summary: Nine AM Monday morning and Jack was once again dressing for a funeral. There had been too many during the past three weeks, but he knew this would be the worst... Poem by Christina Rossetti, Song by Sarah Mclachlan.


**Alone again.**

Nine AM Monday morning and Jack was once again dressing for a funeral. There had been too many during the past three weeks, but he knew this would be the worst, coupled only with that of Stephens and his daughter Alice.

Alice hadn't died during the attack of the 456, no, her death like so many others rested on Jack's shoulders. Jack had found her in her home two days after Stephen's death, his photo and teddy clutched tightly in her arms, beside her, an empty vodka and prescription bottle. Mother and son were buried together in a small private ceremony.

Jack shook his head, he couldn't think about that, not today. He finally pulled on the coat that had caused so much contention between him and Rhiannon, he had wanted nothing more than to burn that damn coat on his return from London but Rhiannon had insisted that for her brother's sake he wear it, she told him how much Ianto had gushed to her about him and that coat and though she couldn't see it herself, she knew that Ianto would want him to wear it today. So with a sigh he tugged the damn thing on over his suit and left his hotel room and made his way to the church.

As he entered the vast space, Jack wasn't surprised to see it was filled to capacity; Ianto had touched so many lives with his kindness and unwavering compassion. So many people wanted to pay their last respects to him, it made jack's heart both swell with pride and break all at once. Finding Gwen and Rhys quickly he took a seat beside them, Squeezing Gwen's hand as he sat down, she was crying already and he believed if he just concentrated on offering her comfort, then he could get through this. Not long after the funeral procession started, he stared straight ahead as Ianto's coffin made its way to the front of the church. There was a wail beside him as one of the pallbearers lost their footing, jostling the coffin so much that there was a load thump from the body inside. The body… the body, he still couldn't get used to that thought, the thought that inside that coffin was his Ianto, but no longer as he knew him, no longer full of life, just an empty shell. Gripping the pew in front of him, so tightly his knuckles turned white, Jack took his seat once more as Ianto was placed at the front of the church.

Most of the service passed in a blur and before long, Jack saw Ianto's brother in law helping Rhiannon to the pulpit, she spoke lovingly of the brother she had known as a child, of the man he had become and she had lost. She pulled out a sheet of paper and began reading.

_Remember me when I am gone away,_

_Gone far away into the silent land;_

_When you can no more hold me by the hand,_

_Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay._

_Remember me when no more day by day_

_You tell me of our future that you plann'd:_

_Only remember me; you understand_

_It will be late to counsel then or pray._

_Yet if you should forget me for a while_

_And afterwards remember, do not grieve:_

_For if the darkness and corruption leave_

_A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,_

_Better by far you should forget and smile_

_Than that you should remember and be sad._

"Not many people knew" She said. "But Ianto was in love, very much so. He also knew that there would be a chance that he wouldn't get a chance to tell this person how he felt and made me promise that if anything happened to him that we would play this song..." This was as far as Rhiannon could go as she broke down in tears again, Jack watch, a lump in his throat as Johnny pressed play on a cd player, a haunting medley rang out and the words of the song washed over him: _What ravages of spirit__  
Conjured this tempestuous rage__  
Created you a monster__  
Broken by the rules of love__  
And fate has lead you through it__  
You do what you have to do__  
And fate has led you through it__  
You do what you have to do__  
And I have the sense to recognize that__  
I don't know how to let you go__  
Every moment marked__  
With apparitions of your soul__  
I'm ever swiftly moving__  
Trying to escape this desire__  
The yearning to be near you__  
I do what I have to do__  
The yearning to be near you__  
I do what I have to do__  
But I have the sense to recognize__  
That I don't know how__  
To let you go__  
I don't know how__  
To let you go__  
A glowing ember__  
Burning hot__  
Burning slow__  
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence__  
Of existing for only you__  
I know I can't be with you__  
I do what I have to do__  
I know I can't be with you__  
I do what I have to do__  
And I have sense to recognize but__  
I don't know how to let you go__  
I don't know how to let you go__  
I don't know how to let you go_

As the song finished Jack finally gave up all pretence of keeping himself together, tears cascaded down his cheeks as the service continued and was brought to an end, it was time to say goodbye. His Ianto, His love, was gone.


End file.
